How to Last Longer in Bed: Premature Ejaculation Tips That May Help
Premature ejaculation is common, and experiencing it occasionally does not necessarily mean anything is wrong.
If you regularly climax sooner than you would like, however, it can become frustrating, affect confidence and put unnecessary pressure on sex and intimacy.
The good news is that several approaches may help improve ejaculation control. These can include behavioural techniques, reducing performance pressure, pelvic floor training in some cases, and products that temporarily reduce sensation.
In this guide, we look at how to last longer in bed, what premature ejaculation is, and some practical techniques that may help.
Important: This article is for general educational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice. If ejaculation problems are persistent, suddenly develop or are causing significant distress, speak with a doctor or qualified healthcare professional.
What Is Premature Ejaculation?
Premature ejaculation, often shortened to PE, generally refers to ejaculating sooner during sexual activity than you or your partner would like, combined with difficulty delaying ejaculation.
Occasionally climaxing faster than you would like is common.
PE becomes more of a concern when it happens consistently, you feel you have little control over ejaculation, and it causes frustration, anxiety or avoidance of intimacy.
Mayo Clinic notes that PE may involve ejaculation within roughly one to three minutes of penetration, difficulty delaying ejaculation and significant distress or frustration. However, the experience can vary from person to person.
Medical reference: Mayo Clinic — Premature Ejaculation: Symptoms and Causes
What Causes Premature Ejaculation?
There is not always one clear cause.
Premature ejaculation can involve a combination of physical, psychological and relationship factors.
These may include:
- Performance anxiety
- Stress
- Relationship concerns
- Worrying about ejaculating too quickly
- Erectile difficulties
- Individual differences in sensitivity and arousal
- Certain physical or medical conditions
- Sexual habits that involve regularly rushing toward orgasm
- Changes in sexual activity or a new relationship
Because several factors may be involved, there is no single technique that works equally well for everyone.
How to Last Longer in Bed
There are several approaches people use to improve ejaculation control.
Rather than looking for one instant fix, it can be more useful to experiment with different techniques and pay attention to what works for you.
1. Try the Stop-Start Technique
The stop-start technique is a well-known behavioural approach used for premature ejaculation.
- Begin stimulation normally.
- When you feel yourself approaching orgasm, stop or significantly reduce stimulation.
- Allow your level of arousal to decrease.
- Begin stimulation again.
- Repeat as needed before allowing yourself to climax.
The idea is to become more familiar with the sensations that occur before ejaculation and practise reducing stimulation before orgasm feels unavoidable.
This approach is sometimes also described as a form of edging.
2. Try the Pause-Squeeze Technique
The pause-squeeze technique follows a similar principle.
When ejaculation feels close, stimulation is paused and gentle pressure is applied where the head of the penis meets the shaft for several seconds.
After the urge to ejaculate decreases, stimulation can begin again.
Mayo Clinic lists both pause-squeeze and stop-start techniques among behavioural approaches that may be used for PE.
Medical reference: Mayo Clinic — Premature Ejaculation: Diagnosis and Treatment
3. Pelvic Floor Exercises May Help Some People
The pelvic floor muscles play a role in bladder, bowel and sexual function.
Some healthcare guidance includes pelvic floor exercises, commonly called Kegels, as one possible approach for people who have difficulty delaying ejaculation.
However, pelvic floor exercises should not be viewed as a guaranteed treatment for PE. Research is still developing, and results may vary depending on the individual and the underlying cause.
One basic exercise involves:
- Tightening the pelvic floor muscles for about 3 seconds
- Relaxing for about 3 seconds
- Repeating approximately 10 times
- Practising consistently rather than excessively
Avoid tightening your stomach, thighs or buttocks, and breathe normally while exercising.
If you are unsure whether pelvic floor exercises are appropriate for you, a healthcare professional or pelvic floor physiotherapist can provide individualized guidance.
4. Slow Down Your Masturbation Routine
Masturbation can also be used as an opportunity to become more aware of your arousal level.
Instead of focusing on reaching orgasm as quickly as possible, experiment with slowing down and paying attention to:
- Pressure
- Grip
- Speed
- Rhythm
- Arousal level
- Breathing
- How close you feel to orgasm
When you feel yourself approaching orgasm, reduce or stop stimulation and wait until your arousal decreases.
This can help you become more familiar with your body's signals before ejaculation.
Can a Fleshlight or Male Masturbator Help You Practise Stamina?
A Fleshlight or other male masturbator is not a medical treatment for premature ejaculation.
However, some people choose to use a masturbator while practising stop-start techniques because it allows them to vary speed, pressure and stimulation in a controlled setting.
If you use one for this purpose, the goal is not simply to make the session last as long as possible.
The more useful goal is learning to recognize rising arousal and reducing stimulation before ejaculation feels inevitable.
If you want to explore these products, SOURCE carries Fleshlights and a broader selection of male masturbators and strokers.
5. Consider Masturbating Before Sex
Some people find that masturbating before partnered sex makes it take longer to reach orgasm again.
Mayo Clinic lists masturbating roughly an hour or two before intercourse as one behavioural technique that may help some people delay ejaculation.
This approach does not work for everyone. For some people, it can temporarily reduce sexual interest or make it more difficult to get another erection.
6. Take Pressure Off Penetration
One of the most useful changes may be to stop treating penetration as the entire sexual experience.
Sex can also include:
- Touching
- Oral sex
- Massage
- Mutual masturbation
- Vibrators
- Couples toys
- Other forms of stimulation
Focusing less on how many minutes penetration lasts can reduce performance pressure and make intimacy feel less like a test.
Can Condoms Help You Last Longer?
They may.
Condoms reduce direct penile sensation, and some people find that this makes ejaculation easier to delay.
Thicker condoms may reduce sensation more than very thin condoms. Some climax-control condoms also contain a small amount of a topical numbing ingredient.
Mayo Clinic lists condoms as one possible way to reduce sensitivity and delay ejaculation.
SOURCE carries a selection of condoms if you want to compare options.
Can Delay Sprays Help With Premature Ejaculation?
Topical delay sprays, creams and gels are designed to temporarily reduce penile sensitivity.
Products in this category may contain numbing ingredients such as lidocaine or benzocaine.
Topical penile anesthetics are recognized in clinical guidance as one treatment option for premature ejaculation. The American Urological Association and Sexual Medicine Society of North America include topical penile anesthetics among first-line pharmacologic options for PE.
Important: numbing products can sometimes reduce sensation or sexual pleasure for both partners if the product transfers during sexual activity. Always follow the manufacturer's directions regarding how much to use, how long to wait and whether excess product should be removed before sexual contact.
A condom may also help reduce transfer depending on the product and its directions.
If you experience irritation, pain, excessive numbness or another unwanted reaction, stop using the product.
SOURCE carries STUD 100 Delay Spray.
Clinical reference: American Urological Association / SMSNA — Disorders of Ejaculation Guideline
Relaxation and Performance Anxiety
Constantly thinking "I can't finish too soon" can make sex feel like a performance test.
For some people, anxiety and stress can contribute to sexual difficulties.
Try slowing your breathing as arousal increases and relaxing your stomach, legs and buttocks instead of tensing your entire body.
You can also slow down, change activities or pause stimulation rather than feeling that sexual activity needs to continue at the same intensity.
Talk to Your Partner
Premature ejaculation can become harder to manage when nobody talks about it.
One partner may feel embarrassed while the other may incorrectly interpret what happened as a lack of interest or dissatisfaction.
Rather than making the goal:
"I have to last 20 minutes."
consider making the goal:
"We both want sex to feel enjoyable and satisfying."
Those goals are not necessarily the same thing.
When Should You Talk to a Doctor?
Occasionally ejaculating sooner than you would like is common.
Consider speaking with a healthcare professional if:
- It happens during most sexual encounters
- You consistently feel unable to delay ejaculation
- It causes significant distress or anxiety
- You are avoiding intimacy because of it
- The problem appeared suddenly
- You are also having difficulty getting or maintaining an erection
- You are concerned medication or another health condition may be contributing
A healthcare professional can review your health history and discuss possible treatment options. Depending on the situation, these may include behavioural techniques, counselling, topical treatments or prescription medication.
How Long Should Sex Last?
There is no universal number of minutes that sex is supposed to last.
Pornography, movies and exaggerated stories can create unrealistic expectations.
Good sex is not determined by a stopwatch.
If both people are enjoying themselves, communicating and having their needs met, the length of penetration alone is not a useful measure of whether sex was successful.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I last longer in bed naturally?
Behavioural approaches such as stop-start and pause-squeeze techniques may help some people develop better awareness and control. Reducing performance pressure and communicating openly with a partner can also be helpful.
Does edging help you last longer?
Edging uses a stop-start approach: stimulation is reduced or stopped as orgasm approaches, then resumed after arousal decreases. It may help some people become more familiar with their arousal patterns.
Can a Fleshlight help with premature ejaculation?
A Fleshlight is not a treatment for premature ejaculation. It can, however, be used as a masturbation tool while practising stop-start techniques and learning to recognize rising arousal.
Do condoms help you last longer?
They may. Condoms reduce direct penile sensation, and thicker or climax-control condoms may help some people delay ejaculation.
Do delay sprays work?
Topical anesthetic products can reduce penile sensitivity and are used as one treatment option for premature ejaculation. They should be used exactly as directed because excessive numbness and transfer to a partner can occur.
Should I masturbate before sex?
Some people find that masturbating before sex makes it take longer to reach orgasm again. It does not work for everyone and may temporarily make arousal or erections more difficult for some people.
Is premature ejaculation common?
Yes. Premature ejaculation is a common sexual complaint. Occasional early ejaculation is generally not a reason for concern, but persistent symptoms that cause distress are worth discussing with a healthcare professional.
The Bottom Line
If you want to learn how to last longer in bed, there is no single technique that works for everyone.
Behavioural approaches such as stop-start, reducing performance pressure, communication with a partner, condoms and medically recognized topical treatments may help depending on the individual.
Pelvic floor training may also be useful for some people, but it should not be viewed as a guaranteed solution.
If premature ejaculation is persistent or causing significant distress, talking with a healthcare professional is one of the most useful steps you can take.
And remember: satisfying sex is about more than how many minutes penetration lasts.
Sources & Further Reading
- Mayo Clinic — Premature Ejaculation: Symptoms and Causes
- Mayo Clinic — Premature Ejaculation: Diagnosis and Treatment
- American Urological Association / SMSNA — Disorders of Ejaculation Guideline
Medical Disclaimer: The information in this article is intended for general educational purposes only and does not diagnose, treat or prevent any medical condition. Persistent or distressing ejaculation difficulties should be discussed with a qualified healthcare professional.
